Seems like everyone in my house has been sick lately, mainly me and Lavender , We spend the most time in my bedroom . I noticed today as I seen a bit of mold on my window sill where her humidifier is , that it is not contained to just there , ITs growing underneath and all around my air condiotioning vent , And the vent is blowing the shit around my room , like a fucking contagion,Why have I never noticed this ?? I'm so pissed its 9 at night and I am doing an over haul of my bedroom , I'm getting rid of that burea and bleaching everything in there , I am so paranoid now , you hear so many crazy about the harmfulness of mold . I feel like the worst parent in the world , I can't believe the amount that is there , its crazy
1.)...song? Anything by cocksparrer , right now its goodbye
2.)...food? anything edible , mostly suishi
3.)...tv show? America's neext top model
4.)...scent? Victoria Secret's "amber romance "
5.)...quote? " If all you wanted was a fucking door mat , you should have saved your 2.50 for a mikes , and saved me 3 years of aggravation and went to walmart " ( for derek )
Well I love my new header that Skinnycow made for me , she actually made me two , and they are awesome. I had a pretty decent day today , It was beautiful out here , My truck got a nice coat of wax yesterday so she's shining like a brandy new penny. I also Paid for a stereo system to be installed in my truck saturday morning ( YAY ) Be big pimping . screaming around town , with my monster truck and the clash blaring, I will post pics of it soon , as soon as i get my camera back , I went shopping yesterday and we had fun . Hit the xmas tree shops and etc
So I went to my old high school today, to sign a release for my transcripts to be sent to the college I am applying to , Wow I felt old . On another note I've decieded to cut ties with almost all of my remaining friends. I know it sounds awful but most of them are more trouble then they are worth, and I get tired of the damn drama I have my own life to live and don't need the pettiness . Why complain over and over if you are not going to change it . Everyone bitches and complains my self included, But after years I get tired of being a shoulder to cry on , I can't do everything people need to help themselves as well. I went shopping today and bought 5 pairs of shoes , 3 for Tuesday, 1 for Erik, and Lavenders first pair of shoes . It makes me happy to provide nice things for my family. I wouldn't care if I walked around in rags for the rest of my life , I am so thrilled but also terrified at the prospect of going back to school . So Ihave also made a decision to try to be more positive , and I think cleaning house of my "friends" will do the trick . I have always been a self sufficient person and haven't really ever needed to many people, I can count on me , Thats what I know for sure. Can anyone give me computer retard directions on how to use photobucket ? Do you need a pro account for it to work ? I really can't figure it out at all . :oops:
Well my federal income tax refund finally hit my account, I can't wait to pay off what we need to pay off, and then let the fun begin , There are so many things running through my head that I would love to get ...to many. I need to buy each of my girls more clothes. Lavender is outgrowing everything , and Tuesday is as tall and skinny as a weed. Tuesday is impossible to shop with, When you think you have outlandish taste take her out shopping and well your cured . Easter is coming up and she's looking at velvet ( booger green ) and frilly silly dresses that make me want to puke ughhh , And of course she wants shiny white patent leather shoes ( who wears those ? ) Any who hoping to get a tat this week , yawn I should go to bed seeing I have to get up in 5 hours ughhhh
So My day started off wonderfully as you read before , I decieded to go to my parents as is my Sunday thing , hang out , do some laundry , whatever . Anything to get out of the house that I seem to be chained to lately . So I ran out of cigarettes and decieded to stop at this store out in east cutty bumfuck near where my parents live. I know the guys that run the store, nice guys , There was a girl in front of me at the register and she proceeded to look at me ( I also had the baby in my arms and my wallet in my available hand ) And make a sound of disgust and clutched her pocket book closer to her, Like I was going to try to steal it or something, I ignored her , it hurt my feelings but I didn't feel like a confrontation. Soo then she proceeds to look me up and down and tell me what she thought , Telling me that I should be ashamed of myself , and that hopefully a hatemonger like myself would not throw my views on my child , and etc etc , And that people like me were what was wrong with this world ( that was my favorite ). I had black capris on , a Minor Threat hoodie , my flight jacket , and my docs , So I assume she knew that I'm a skinhead , and apparently she thought she knew what I stood for . So I just calmly told her , " To shut the fuck up , and to atleast know what she was talking about before making assumptions " . Calm is not something I do well , at all . I wonder why she acted like that though , I never said a word to her prior. I wonder if I am scary looking. Skinheads are not generally racist people , The movement started out in jamaica , the reason for the haircut back then was plain and simple the conditions were deplorable and head lice was rampant , So both Black and White shaved there hair off , and would after work go to the local pub ( together ) and enjoy the local music , Ska .No hail hitler shit or anything like that . It was and still is about working blue collar ethics , a love of music and hanging out in groups of friends after a hard days work taking in a beer and going home . Its not what ever this bitch thought it was . I take pride in who I am , and what I'm about . I would help any one , black, white, green, gay,straight and in between. So the problem is not me and my people , Its the ignorance and sterotyping of others.
Well I'm sitting at my p.c with my window open and a crisp breeze is coming in , its delicious. Lavender is sleeping after a full belly, And I managed to vaccum half of my living room ( I have vaccum zilla , it wakes the dead ). I have a majority of my house cleaned, I have been thinking of disposing of my dads ashes lately , I suppose he doesn't want to live an eternity out under my sink in a I Love Lucy lunchbox, But theres so much inner turmoil when it comes to that, In life he was a herion addict who did nothing but hurt people , and no matter what I did , no matter how outrageous I could never reach him . So I feel like in death I have a part of him . But it haunts me , Everytime I come across them I rehash the past, I have a wonderful father ( step ) who adopted me when I was little , but my mom always made sure I knew my biological father , I remember all the empty promises and sitting by the window waiting all day and him never showing up. But I also rememeber those rare moments when he was clean , going horseback riding , camping at horseneck beach for the summer , picking teaberries in the woods . So I don't know what to do. My father is always with me , I feel his presence in my house. And there have been a few goings on where I definitley knew he was around. On another note Erik said the oddest thing to me the other day about how nice it was to have me home all the time , and I suppose it is .But I don't want to have to rely on anyone and I like having my own job , and money . I dono't know if I could be a stay at home home , I give credit to those who do though, Its an incredible job , where the payment is tons of hugs and kisses , but I don't think its for me . I need to stay busy constantly. I love my job but am unable to do it right now , do to a shoulder injury . What do you think ?
Well I decieded I wanted to decorate a bit today , So everything is not blah , My kitchen just looks bare so I added some stuff in there , threw up my sex pistols posters in my hallway . Also I got a brilliant idea that maybe I should start my spring cleaning early , Its fun to try to clean when you have an 8 yr old and her friend up your ass , and a 7 month old that wants your constant attention . Tuesday is having a sleep over tonight With skinnycows daughter , I must tell you its scary when you know that these kids together at collectivley 8 and 9 are smarter than you will ever be. Its nice for tuesday to have someone just as smart to hang out with , Things are going great with them , I'm happy because she does get lonely sometimes for kids to play with , I don't allow 99.9% of the kids here in my house , Welfare moms that just send there kids out in the morning and what ever , Its not my problem and they are not trashing my house.. no fucking thank you . So my spring cleaning is going to take to fall atleast ,
1. ...went to the doctor? Today actually , I go 3 times a week for my shoulder ughhhh
2. ...went to the dentist? About 7 months ago to get a tooth yanked , but I'm going soon to get my pearly's to look pearly again
3. ...filled your gas tank? I drive a gas whore , lifted 78 full size bronco with 36 inch tires on them , I get 11 miles to the gallon ...you do the math
I finally got my steely toed, You talking to me mother fucker , Kick your teeth in if you are , curb stomp, 10 eye doc boots . Yay they elude me no more. I spent a nice day with Erik enjoying just spending money and buying things we normally can't afford . Even if it is short lived spending its been nice . Growing up I lived on my own from 11 on so I never could afford my boots , I have always wanted them ...and now they are mine
I had a nice day , much to my suprise my state refund was deposited into my account this morning , So I decieded to shop !!! I started off my day at physical therapy , than I stopped by mina's, myself , her daughter and I went to the pet store Cause tuesdays guniea pig , needed more food , and there was more pigs there cute ones so I got one and alot of other shit for her pig and the new one , She was at lunch with her dad , so when she came through the door I told her she better check on lucky , and I heard a shriek she came in smiling " mommy I love it " ohh to hear those words. So I went in pursuit of the ever elusive doc marten boots I want, but to no avail . So I bought erik a couple hundred dollars worth of clothes , and he was happy . Know what I bought myselff ? Bracelets lmao. Plastic ones.
So I returned to work today under the pretense that I would be given light duty, Because the comp doctor said I was okay and just couldn't lift over my head . Even though my doctor thinks different and I know better . I feel like someone injected fire into my shoulder either that or there is little evil elves stabbing me from the inside should I dare to move or even lift anything . So I started of my day gluing shit to a metal plate, okay fine I did that , then I fixed some equipment , that was fine to . Then they deciede that I am going to get the oil pans out from under each of our 75 machines and clean them , I am right handed and these things are not feather weight . So I was pissy about it and I had a temper tantrum because its a nasty job , real nasty . So after my intial bitchiness I say to my self , hey the hell with it its better to be here and make my wage then get paid by comp . I did about 3 of them and my shoulder was screaming so I went to my coach ( who is a man , I work with all men ) crying , I'm not one to cry so he knew that I was hurting . I ended up leaving at 11 and called and left a wicked message on my comp nurses machine . She told my work that she sent me to an orthopedic dr. She sent me to a tissue doctor who seen me for 2 minutes and miraculousy declared me healed . So I called the nurse and told her , I don't care what her dr says because he is wrong , And who does she think she is doing what she has done , and that unless she fixes it I have no choice but to retain a lawyer , Who the hell would want to stay out of work and make half their pay ? not me , 219.00 a week , ( when they remember to send my check ) does not go far at all. So this evening my Hr lady called me and told me how sorry she was and everything , And asked me what happened . Thing is at 5:30 in the morning about a month ago I was walking into work and it was crappy out , apprently icy and as i was walking in ( which is video monitored ) I slipped on the ice and landed on my same side that I hurt. My coach was informed of it , and a co worker seen it happen , they asked if i was okay , and I figured I was , I was shook up , but I didn't need medical attention or anything , and didn't need comp for it so I let it go . Well here it is to bite me in the ass . Maybe its a strained muslce or tendonitis or whatever but it kills , its not an inability to use my arm , its that I don't because it hurts horrendously.Everything they gave me to do involved me using my arm , my right arm , I'm right handed , its like where is the common sense on their part ? Earth to idiots
Well I finally did it , I filled out a fafsa form ( financial aid for college ). I'm so excited I sent umass Dartmouth a request for an enrollment application. I hope I get to go. I'm tired of my dead end job , and living literally one paycheck away from homeless-ness . The only way to fix it , is to be better educated. I always loved school and I hope I get the oppurtunity to return .Hopefully My work will be able to switch me to the weekend shift so I can attend . I feel a world of oppurtunities and hope that I am not let down. I feel to old to go back, but to young to be stuck in my current job. What do you think ?
I went over my parents today to visit ( I was bribed with a chicken dinner ) And my father didn't say hey tart how are you , or hey kiddo good to see you , Upon first seeing me he says to me " Don't you ever change your clothes , you look like a boy " Of course this upset me, I tried to explain to him that I don't really own much clothes , mostly mechanics greens and blues , and work t shirts ( which I had on ) and that I would rather my girls look nice than myself (believe me the gap twins do ). It made me feel like such a piece of shit. Do I look like a slob ? I don't buy myself anything , because I would rather my girls not go with out anything .And also I just got through being pregnant and am trying to lose weight, So he continues on and tells me that I look disgusting and that I should invest in clothes that girls would wear and etc , First of all I live in Massachusetts and the winters here are unforgiving , second of all am I supposed to show up at work in dresses and skirts , after all how ridiculous would a mechanic look , seriously. He never has anything nice to say to me at all , ever . My sister comes in from work its Hi jodie how was your day etc ... Wtf ? I am seriously giong to give up , its tiring to be put down and degraded all the time.Is it so bad that I don't care what I look like , God forbid my kids have nice things , I just don't see the problem. Then he continues on another tangent on how Tuesday is spoiled and , why can't she ever sleep there,Yes Tuesday is spoiled , very spoiled . I Was a single parent and still am , in regards to tuesday , SO I had to play mom , dad , playmate etc . and yes I do overcompensate for her dad not really being around , Its not her fault . She is not ungrateful, or mean , And she can be fresh , but she can also be incredibly helpful and loving as well. I don't let her sleep there for her own safety , My parents have a very unstable relationship , sometimes things get out of control there , and my sister at times can be very cruel to her , other times they are great together , So why would I put my kid through that ? But still in the end I am the bad person , go figure
Deep tounging, nibbling, and locking lips for hours are on your agenda.
You've been known to wear lovers out with your kiss, before getting to anything else on the menu.
And given that you kiss so well... imagine how you do everything else.
What Your Kissing Style Says About You:
When you want something you go for it, and you don't let go until it's yours.
And when you feel, you feel intensely (surprised?). You have a dramatic streak, no doubt.
If you're in a relationship, you don't take anything lightly. And neither should your lover.
Your Personal Kissing Matches and Mismatches:
Hook up with other Intense Kissers to have the experience of a life time. You'll both feel incredible things, both in your heart and down there! If you are looking for an even more sexual fun, find the nearest Carnal Kisser. You'll get kissed down there just right.
Stay away from Manic Kissers at all costs. They spread it around a little too much to give you the passion you crave. And forget about Juicy Kissers as well - they seem a bit too superficial for you.
Did I tell you all that Lavender rolls over now , and says dada , I'm impressed !!!! I went for a meeting at Tuesday's school yesterday, I requested that they do some testing on her because they say that her skills are below average and what not , Well guess what Tuesday is in the 98th percentile , which means she does better than 98 percent of kids her age. So they caan just shove that up their asses hmmph . Tuesday started reading at 3 , so I knew better to begin with. Today was a ho hum day , Erik got me a really pretty rose plant for my least favorite day of the year. I have serious issues with valentines day , 1 valentines day Tuesday's father left me , The same year , same day my father found out that my mom was having an affair , And then a few years pass and I deciede the valentines jinx must be over right , Wrong ! I try to always remain friends with my ex's Tuesday got really attatched to my ex Derek, And because of some crazy shit that was going on , I had to be nice to him ( he's not worthy of my friendship ). So on valentines day she decieded to ask Erik if he would be upset if I had another bf , That did not go over well at all. So that is why I hate this day. I got out of the house for a bit , Went over to Justin's and hung out for a bit , He has a really nice HUGE apartment. Its so surreal to visit him , and see the man that he has become . After all I met him when he was 15 and I was 19, Makes me feel so old hmmm , but not that old . Any way I hope you all had the Valentines that your hearts desired .
Well I hate the shittiest day ever , I was told that I have to go back to work and pretty much resume my normal job duties , which is impossible because I still can't use my right arm . They sent me to a comp doctor , so of course they are going to say I'm okay because its in their best interest to do so , Fucking assholes . Then I went to Eriks grandmothers house and she looks awful she has blood cancer or bone cancer , some kind of cancer anyway and she had a stroke not to long ago . It was awful to see her like that. On another note my valentines day plans are ruined :evil: My comp check never came in either so that just fucks everything up ughhh . My best friend won't be around next week so that freaking blows , it cheers me up to hear from him and hang out . Erik has 4 days off next week , all of which I now have to work . If you haven't done your taxes yet , don't do them at h & r block online , its amazing the shit I had to go through to get my taxes done even though I supopsedly didn't have to leave the house to do them , and on top if it all my tax pro spoke freaking broken English , WTF is that all about , she can't speak english but I'm supposed to trust her to go over my taxes , Wrong !!!!
2. What extremes have you heard of someone going to in the name of superstition? My grandmother gets out of her car and prays until a funeral procession passes
3. Believer or not, what's your favorite superstition? Crossing my fingers when I renig on a bet
4. Do you believe in luck? If yes, do you have a lucky number/article of clothing/ritual? I have a lucky troll and a lucky hooded sweatshirt
5. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not? I think its a bunch of bullshit myself , my horoscopes are never ever right
Have you ever lost something that was never yours ? I woke up this morning with a sad feeling of loss , of times that were. Its strange becuase its not something that I can put into words , Its a void, almost like a twilight zone exsistence. A deep ache that I know will never let up becuase of a realization that smacked me in the face , but I still can not pu tmy thumb on exactly what it is, thats the weird part of it all hmmmm .
I didn't do very much today, I did however shave my hair into a chelsea cut , My bangs were cut ALOT shorter than I wanted , but it will grow quickly , Its been so long since i shaved all my hair off , It feels so good , like a certain freedom , ALmost like an allowance to be myself . So next I have to tackle this weight I need to still lose about 50 pounds of pregnancy weight, Its weird I think I have this skewed look at myself , I have always had a complex about my weight . But no one believes me when I tell them how much I weigh , sO what runs through my mind is are they just being nice or do I really look in the mirror and see something completely different than everyone else ? Any one else have that problem ? On another note Lavender said dada today, wanna see a grown women turn to mush !!! I have so much on my mind lately , Thinking way to much ...about things latley. I need to go back to work or something to occupy my time. Maybe I'll start walking . I can't wait till my taxes come in so I can get a new tat , don't know where to get it yet though . Going to watch swat tonight ,
Interestingly enough on our way home today, Tuesday asked me that very question . And for the first time in my life I didn't know what to say, How do you explain such a thing like that to an 8 yr old , So my version went something like this ( don't laugh ) Love is when I look at you or your sister and you smile at me , or give me a hug, Its also that feeling you get when you care so much about someone and you feeli like your heart is going to explode if you don't see them . Its the sunshine coming out on a rainy day. Its god , Its me , its you Love is everyone . Love is when you scrape your knee and cry and mommy says its okay and makes it better with a bandaid and a kiss . Love is also when someone you care about does something really bad and you forgive them" Thats all i could say, I really had a hard time with this one . Why she asked is beyond me , Tuesday is a very profound little girl , and she's also very sensitive , Maybe its the upcoming valentines day or maybe just a question from her heart . It was just out of the blue though . Really think about , How does one define love , how do you define love ?
I finally after 3 weeks of no pay got a comp check, A whole whopping 219.00 , 60 percent of your pat just sucks. well 60 percent of mines does anyway. So I finally got poor Lavender something other then peaches , I swear if she could talk she would've been like geesh ma no more fucking peaches huh . So I got no less than 100 jars of assorted fruits and veggies . I went to physical therapy too just to add insult to injury , they want to operate on my shoulder ughh . I can't live on 219.00 thats crazy . I also went to visit my memere and my lame ass uncle , who is a compulsive liar lives with her , I made the mistake of getting him a job as a janitor where I work , SO now its all come crashing down . He thinks he knows everything , and that he is better and smarter than every one else , and therefore thinks his way is the only right way , Well supposedly someone at work pushed him , and now he's causing a big hoo rah and saying he's filing assault charges and etc , I know the guy who pushed him , I know him very well and it as a matter of fact is the guy that harrased me for 2 years , And as sad as it is , i know he wouldn't do that unless he was either feeling threatend or he was extremly provoked , I seriously went after that guy with a wrench and he didn't even flinch or raise a hand towards me. I know how my uncle is , So I couldn't , even though I despise the man , let him get fired from work , I called wok and told them so . And also that my uncle got fired from his last job for similar things . I hate having a conscience I never did when I was a kid. On another note I feel like a crappy friend, I keep teling my friend I'm going to go by his house and visit him , he's my best friend , probally one of the very few people that know EVERYTHING about me , we've been to hell and back together and then some , He's also an ex boyfriend , sO I do have to get by there. I love him dearly and he knows it ( arrogant son of a bitch ) . Erik is home tonight , not feeling good , I"m so happy to have all of you guys and gals as my friends , you all really are my sanity lately :D
So I went over my moms today for supper with the girls, Don't get me wrong I love my mom and dad, But I'm not going to let their differences in life or whatever else affect me , I have my own kids to worry about , and my own life to live .My parents are so critical of me and how I raise mine , I guess seeing that I grew up in foster care that there opinions should not matter, because after all they certainly were not parents of the year. Tuesday has a huge problem with respect and she treats me like shit, So I get pissed and tell her straight out, I am not a piece of shit and I'm not going to stand for her to treat me like one , That I provide everything for her and I work very hard to make sure that her and lavender have the best of everything . Tuesday puts her dad on this pedestal , fact is he's a piece of shit , He's 37 yrs old doesn't work , owes me 32,000 in back child support , tells Tuesday that santa didn't stop at his house , and she TREATS me like a piece of shit , I just don't get it . So before we left my mom asked when Tuesday could sleep over again , so I told her truthfully that I didn't know , So of course tuesday has to throw her 2 cents in and says to her " my mom says I can't sleep here anymore because everyone here is crazy and my mom don't feel like its safe, and it makes her very uncomfortable " SO that went over like a fart in church . ughhhh kids .
For those of you who know me, you know that I'm a traditional skinhead and have been for 14 yrs . Interesting enough I was watching t.v today and there was an old mtv special on called " Skinheads and hate rock " I watched it and laughed my ass off . Most skinheads are not racist and are non political . Its amazing how the media takes things and turns them into something its not. Fact is racist skinheads are a very small part of our culture.
So not much got accomplished today, I shoveled out my house , So its atleast kind of clean and livable. I hate my job and all . but I miss it , I feel like an agoraphobic . I haven't really left my house at all. I need to get out , but comp hasn't sent me a paycheck for 2 weeks . So I'm broke ughhh. I hate not even having a dollar to my name . Its funny I keep going back to the fridge , almost like if I keep opening it food will appear, silly huh. So I am spending my day with Lavender , I;m fortunate because she has a great demeanor and is a happy baby . As soon as I figure out how to get around this no picture thing I will post pics of tuesday and lavender. So I figured out what to eat , I just can't do ramien again . Pea soup and a grilled cheese. update in awhile when I have something intersting . :wink:
nothing really went on today , its gloomy and raining here, The bronco don't like that kind of weather so I really didn't go anywhere. I'm hoping to reupholster the interior this year with my tax money after me and Erik clean up our credit , There is nothing I want more then to own a home . I would love to have a swing set for Tuesday and Lavender to play on , Forts in the woods , All the great things that childhood is about. I can't wait for my refunds They are spent 900 different ways in my head. I definitley need to buy myself some new shoes, My sneakers have had it , J.C penney has this cool new photo spread that they do with babies kind of like anne geddes style with a carpet of roses and just a naked baby , so I want to bring lavender to get those taken . My hair looks like ass any one have any suggestions ?
Nothing and I do mean nothing could prepare me for the shock I recieved this morning when I went to sign my annual lease ( yes I'm stuck here any year ughhh ) . So I'm in good spirits when I leave the house , I stop at dunkin donuts get Tuesday her donut ( with colored sprinkles of course ) dropped her off at her daycare center we did our little thing I walk her inside in the morning and give her a hug and kiss, tell her I love her and to have a nice day. She was good this morning , neither I or Tuesday are morning people we are both virgo's if that explains anything . So I go to the office to sign my lease at 9 , and was making small talk. And then I was told " Hey did you know that the police were here at 5:30 am and they arrested Crystal ( my sister in law ) and escorted her to the hospital for trying to kill herself". To be honest my first thought was not about her , I could care less which I will get into later. But where was my nephew , thats all I cared about. There was an officer in the office and I asked him what was going on and where my nephew was , he informed me that there was no child in the house when she got arrested. So where the fuck was Sid ? I left there frantic , I love my nephew , he's my buddy and he's a really great kid .So I called his school , No of course he didn't make it to school, he never does so why did that suprise me , I called the police station again they still had no idea , SO I called the hospital where crystal was sent and got to talk to her and asked her where my nephew was , She told me that he is with her kid diddler fag ( and I don't mean it in any offense to my gay friends ) boyfriend, Whom she has been with for maybe 6 months. So I told her I would be more than happy to take care of sid until she was better ( she needs serious mental help , honestly ) So she starts calling me all sorts of names and telling me that I'm trying to take sid away and all sorts of crazy shit , For those of you who read on a regualr basis you all know I have for the past 5 years helped this stupid fucking bitch. So I called D.s.s and filed a report so sid could have a normal life , I am trying my hardest to get custody of him , She really needs help. SO as this is going on can you fucking believe they released her and put sid back in her custody ? I filed one hell of a report from drug use to molestation and everything in between. So hopefully they will work fast before anything else happens to my poor nephew. Crystal was raised by crackheads , knowing how her childhood was you would think she would want something different for her kid. I don't hate many people , I hate her . She has had every oppurtunity people never see in a lifetime , and she throws it away and laughs at you , I truly think she enjoys the way she lives, and my nephew is the one who suffers. Keep your fingers crossed , he belongs with me, I love him and I will give him a normal life.
Massachusetts court demands equal rights for gay marraiges
Well I was happy to see that on the paper today, Massachusetts is not a very liberal state , but the court declared that civil unions are unconstitutional and that all same sex couples have the right to marry , and they can and will be able to marry here starting as early as May. Its such a hot topic to so many in the church, But it shouldn't be . There was a seperation of church and state along time ago. Its not a religous right , It never was.Marraige is much like religion it is a personal choice , not all gay couples want to marry , but should they the choice is out there for them. Which I think is a wonderful thing. I believe that in a government of the people , all people should have the same choices and rights and that it should not be goverened on sexual perference, race etc. For instance I am not a supporter of affirmitive action , I believe the best person for the job should get the job , not becuase a company has to fill a racial quota or minority quota , that is crap to me and I have lost alot of job bids because of it . It destroys the faction of equality , Why should I not be considered for a job because jane x is black or indian or whatever and she gets extra points for it , That is something I consider unconstitutional .But as in my blog that I posted yesterday that is just my opinion , right or wrong it is mine .
I read a blog today that upset me , I believe in god, but I must say that I am a lapsed catholic . I have many people in my life who have given there life's over to god . A few of my aunts are nuns and 2 of my uncles are priests so religion is not something I am ignorant about it . I don't need to go to church to talk to god , I speak to him with my voice , not the voice of a corrupt religion . Any way I read this post about how gay people are going to hell whatever , and that this person cares and was trying to save their eternal souls. I am not gay, but I have a few friends who are and it don't bother me. My belief is love see"s no boundaries, God created us as we are. SO my question is did god create these people to go to hell , No of course not . And don't give me the free will shit either . I live with my boyfriend , I am not married , I have 2 beautiful children . I love my boyfriend , its not just a sexual thing and it never has been ( really ask erik he never gets it ) . So who is this person to post that gay couples are about just sex ? How do they know. I realize that society as a whole is alot more open to the gay community then they used to be , but I can not imagine someone wanting to be gay, I'm sure it makes life more difficult , I defintiley believe that people are born gay , that it is predetermined .But hey that is just this girls opinion. So my question again is did god create gay people , just to send them to hell in the afterworld ? Do you see my friend how ridiculous your post is .
Is it just me or does everyone have that one person in their life who mooches off them constantly? Can't live there lifes without you somehow doing something for them almost everyday ? Well mines is my sister in law and though I love her dearly, She drives me nutts , its always something, today was toilet paper , No money for toilet paper but plenty for beer and all the unessentials . She sits home on welfare and does nothing because she has bipolar and has to take alot of prozac etc .. and now she's trying to get disability . Well I have bipolar and I have no issues working , I work and take care of my kids. And prozac is not prescribed to bipolar people so I think she is just a lazy shit , a sympathy junkie at best. Always whining I have no food etc , hitting up the food pantrys and whatever else will donate to her.FOr christmas her kid makes out better than mines with all the stories she tells and gets all these agencies to donate all sorts of stuff for sid . She got pissed because they gave her 400 in gift cards and not money . Can you imagine.So I have decieded I am not going to help her any more , this has been going on for 4 years not and its getting old . Time for her to help herself.
Well I went to physical therapy today , I think they are happy all the time because they get to torture people all day long , they marked me out of work until atleast the 28 th of feb , So that kind of sucks , I get to collect comp and everything , but I feel like shit that I am getting money that I didn't work for , but also I didn't ask to hurt my self either. So the inevitable call came today , my mother again asked me and the girls to go over for ham etc , so we went . It just wasn't home anymore to me , I just didn't feel comfortable and of course it was hey guess what Jodie got a job...I'm happy for her and all but so fucking what , I was telling them that they might have to operate on my shoulder and it was oh really , ughhhh makes me mad. They all acted like nothing had happened , Oh mommy this , and daddy that and jodie this and that, It seriously made me ill. So I asked my mother " how can you all pretend like nothing happened". She was like its done and over with what am I supposed to act like , It is never done and over with each incident becomes more insane and violent then the last . I informed Tuesday that she was not allowed to sleep there any more , It makes me uneasy , and at the same time it saddens me to know that I can't trust my mom to watch her. But such is life I guess
Superbowl point of view from a self professed sport hater
In my life I have never ever sat through a football game , but I must say Erik went to bed early because he virtually worked 24 hours straight , so out of curiosity I turned on the game and I found myself yelling and cheering and wondering what had come over me , I don't like sports any kind at all , but there I sat transfixed and I couldn't unglue my eyes from the television , I don't know what a conversion is or anything else , but when the pats got that last touchdown and the 2 point conversion , I was suprised to find tears running down my face , ( must be my allergies ) I am a staunch New Englander born and bred and I am transfixed with this game , I swear I was on the edge of my seat , anticipating what was going to happen next , wondering will my new hero's win , or will they succumb to the evil North Carolina Panthers , I just couldn't take it , Its such a nail biting thing , drove me crazy , now I understand what the big hoorah is about , the frenzy of football has now found one more victim. Omg its tied 29 to 29 ughhh its driving me nutty 68 seconds left patriots on their 40 yard line . 8 seconds left pats on the 25 yard line down , its like an orgasm that takes forever to let loose . Omg they won with a 3 point field goal AGHHHHHHHHHH GO PATS !!!!!!!!!
The skin that I'm in is sometimes thin, transparent and it leaves me vulnerable and wide open to the world . Can't say I like that very much , Because I'm supposed to be a tough girl , untouchable . Unaffetced and disconnected . Disconnected from reality. My mom called today and acted like nothing happened , business as usual. Its good to let things go , but things have gone to far . That whole situation continues to be out of control and I want no part of it , and I don't want my kids to have any part of it . So she says I'm making a ham are you and the girls coming over , I said no and she got all huffy and told me that fine , then she's not going to cook and thats that . That really upset and shook me up that those things happened , I don't want fighting , I want to enjoy my time with my family , not spend it cleaning it up blood and glass . If Tuesday had been there it would have been an awful thing for her to see . I just don't try to understand any more, On a positive note I went and visited Kimmy and Grammy today , they are always good to me , and they bring me back down to earth , They say it how it is and thats that . Long ago I had wanted to return to school , but it just wasn't possible, So they decieded they would elp me out now if I want to go back , Kimmy said she would come here and watch the girls for me , I need to take alot of classes I want to get my bachelors in 2 years if possible , So that made me feel happy , because now its possible . So I need to get off my ass and start figuring out how to apply for financial aid etc , and what exaclty I have to take , but I know I want my major to be in life science .
